I need to get with it

I am neglecting this poor blog. And it isn't that I don't have a lot to write about. Madison makes sure there is always SOMETHING going on in my life.

But I never think to pop in here. So here I am and viola...I can think of nothing to say.

I need to do something to give myself something to write. But first I would have to be halfway sane right? Maybe not. Maybe you will enjoy my insanity.

So I live with my 9 year old very overdramatic daughter. And my 56 year old very overdramatic mother. Seriously. You would be shocked at how much alike they can be. Don't get me wrong, I love them both. And my mom has been there for me in more ways than I can ever say thank you for.

But at least one day a week while sitting here at the computer happily ignoring life, I will hear the following.

Madison: Stop looking at me like that
Nana: I'm not doing anything
Madison: Yes you are
Nana: No I'm not
Madison: Yes you are
Nana: No I'm not

You get the idea. And this is very real folks. I do not make this stuff up.

SO I've decided that I need to spread my insanity. Let everyone see it. Maybe they will admit me for an evaluation. You know...the 72 hour lockup thing. I mean seriously. Think about it. A room, alone, quiet...the ability to pee by myself without anyone knocking on the door yelling I NEED TO GO BAD!! (as if I can just stop mid pee since someone else needs the bathroom)...i could read a book...or 10......or just lay there on my bed and enjoy the silence. ANd if I get bored.....I just act a lil crazier and they shoot me up with something to make me sleep. This isn't punishment folks. This is HEAVEN

Faith

Where do I find it? I feel like I am being called to do something very important to me. But how do I do that when my own life is in chaos? I need to find that faith that is leading me there to begin with. It's hard to do. I want to get my life in order first, but is that the way it is meant to happen?

I am so envious of those who trust so blindly and completely. I want to be that way. That is what I am shooting for. Blind faith. Is it too much to ask?

I hope that someday I can look back and see how far I have come. I hope I can get up everyday and feel that I am doing what is right in life. I know I will get there. But trust comes so hard for me.

Well lookie there. I have managed 3 whole posts on this thing. I really need to remember it is here and start talking more.

I am thankful

for so many things this year. Here is but a small list:

*My family is healthy for the most part. My grandma's cancer doctor says she is doing so well he doesn't have to see her anymore.

*Today Madison was her usual fun loving self

*I had a warm meal and a warm home today

*I have wonderful friends who bring me joy

*I have a car (this wasn't the case last Thanksgiving LOL)

*I have the best landlords in the world

*I feel I am where I am supposed to be in life right now

It's easy to think sometimes of all the things we wish for. I do that often especially when others speak of what they have. I am often envious and wish I too could have some of these things. And someday I will. But it only takes a small memory back to July/August and then I remember the things in my life that I am grateful for.

A few people have passed thru my life for but a moment. I am grateful for them also. They touched me in ways they may never know. I only hope that I can touch another's life in a positive way.

I never want

to feel the way I feel lately. It has been challenging with madison recovering. She isn't her normal happy go lucky self. I guess that is to be expected. But it's tiring for me. Very tiring.

So I am patiently waiting on the end of 10 days. I think I'd rather give up chocolate and pepsi than to go through this again LOL.

Well everyone else seems to have a blog....so I figured I would give it a shot. Will I keep up with it?? Who knows?

Off I go to bed. it's late and tomorrow is Thanksgiving.