I is for....

Honestly I really struggled with the letter I. What on earth could I possibly write about that starts with I? I mean I knew it had been a while since I had written here. So I needed to get busy. But I?

So I started going through my mind for words that started with I. Idiot, Ice Cream, Irritating, Illness, Illinois......nope none of those worked. Then it hit me. It was right in front of me but I was missing it. Or was I? Maybe I was overlooking it on purpose?

I is for Independance. Which is a big thing around here lately. Madison has been stubbornly asserting her independance recently. Suddenly she's a pre-teen. Suddenly she wants to ride her bike around the neighborhood alone. Suddenly she wants to have privacy. Suddenly she doesn't need help picking out her clothes or getting ready in the morning. And just as suddenly, I don't know what to do. This is unchartered territory for me. Having a pre-teen isn't something I have practice at. And I don't want to baby her. Well okay maybe I do. But I won't. Yet at the same time I don't want to give her too much freedom. She's still young. Freedom can be a dangerous thing. So we've had battles over her newfound independance.

I, myself, am also trying to assert my independance. Trying to pull myself away from these feelings that want to hold me down. Trying to break the chains that have bound me for so long. I thought I had already done that. I was doing well with it. I rarely thought about it or felt it anymore. Then out of nowhere it is back. Yet I know it is pointless. But here I sit. Waiting. Aching. Thinking. I've never been fond of thinking too much.

So around our house the word of the month is independance. Perfect for the letter I. And sadly enough, I am having to compromise. Madison can now ride her bike around the block alone WITH permission. She can pick out her own clothes and get ready without my interferance. I try to let her have privacy but I do cut that off when she has a fit for me going outside because I am invading her privacy lol.

As for me...I am just taking it day by day. Knowing that eventually the feelings will subside and I will be whole again.